Parenting with a Gospel-Undercurrent

“The secret of the gospel is that we actually do more when we hear less about all we need to do for God and hear more about all that God has already done for us.” –Kevin DeYoung

I read this concise quote from Kevin DeYoung a while back and have thought since that it is a great thought for parents to ponder.  Here are my thoughts…

You can’t just discipline your children or just give them practical wisdom or just call them to obedience.  You have to winsomely speak the Gospel to them.

The temptation for parents is to just call for obedience and pound our children with God’s expectations and because we mention God think that we’re being spiritual parents – like this: “Honey, what were you thinking?  That’s completely unacceptable.  When you ‘disobey’ (…or insert whatever issue…) like that, don’t you know you’re also disobeying God.  That’s sin.  You can’t be that way.  The Bible says…”

Now none of that is wrong to say.  In fact, a lot of times, that’s the entirely appropriate thing to say.  When it comes to our daily interactions with our kids, I don’t think you can “give the Gospel” on every issue.  In fact, I don’t think it would really be wise or helpful to “give the Gospel” on every issue – there’s a danger of just saying the same formulation over and over and it losing its power to your kids.  Sometimes you just have to demand obedience of your kids.  But proportionally most parents probably need to “give the Gospel” much more than they do – because even if you can’t realistically “give the Gospel” every time, it should be such a background and undercurrent in your family that it automatically be in the background of your kid’s minds even when you’re not explicit about it.

What is “giving the Gospel”?  It’s not just – “Don’t you know you’re disobeying God; how could you!? …Oh, but if you trust Jesus, he will forgive you.”  The Gospel is not just a stop-gap.  “Giving the Gospel” is trying to get underneath the cause of their disobedience to the source of their fear or shame or selfishness or frustration.  And then connecting that heart sin to the mercy of God.  “Honey, I can understand why you’re impatient with your sister; she can be annoying, but so can you.  And isn’t it important to remember how patient our God is with us?  He is so patient, so loving.  Even when we don’t think of him, he sent Jesus.  And Jesus was patient.  He didn’t fight back.  He died because you are impatient.  If he has been so patient with you, he wants you to be amazed by that – so amazed by his patience that it makes you patient.”

As parents, you need to know how every situation connects to the Gospel – how the love of Jesus is bigger than every situation and changes your perspective in every situation.  That needs to be real to you so that you can speak it to your children.  Sometimes when you speak it to our children, it will become real again to you.  But that needs to be the undercurrent of your thought life.  And when it is, it will become the undercurrent of your family life.

Sometimes, you just have to require obedience of your kids – and give the Law.  But the secret of the Gospel is that ultimately your kids will do more when they hear less of all they need to do for God and hear more about who God is and what he has already done.